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Entry tags:
end of year posts (3 for the price of 1)
spotify wrapped wrap-up:
top 10 overall:
1. dkz - cupid
2. yena (ft. bibi) - smiley
3. tilly birds (ft. milli) - just being friendly
4. dkz - crazy night
5. pentagon - feelin' like
6. ikon - but you
7. tilly birds - same page?
8. dkz - lupin
9. oneus - luna
10. 4eve - test me (all members version)
my #1 track gets worse if you add in my youtube streams. i actually tend to prefer to listen to songs from my lesser known faves on youtube to give them views because i've bought into 3rd and 4th gen streaming culture. yes my #3 track was also my #1 track last year but you know what? still slaps. #10 is there mostly because of how often i listened to my own playlist, but it still surprised me because it's not even my favorite 4eve song.
top 10 kpop:
1. dkz - cupid
2. yena (ft. bibi) - smiley
3. dkz - crazy night
4. pentagon - feelin' like
5. ikon - but you
6. dkz - lupin
7. oneus - luna
8. new jeans - hype boy
9. ive - love dive
10. b.i. (ft. devita & soulja boy) - btbt
#8 and #9 are probably on 90% of people's most played or favorite kpop tracks, right? i so wish there was a version of btbt on spotify that didn't have soulja boy's verse because i might have listened to it even more then. i don't even think i liked feelin' like this much, but i have a habit of going to my liked songs when i get into the car and picking roughly the fifth song from the top, which is where feelin' like sat for a while so it racked up a lot of plays that way.
top 10 tpop:
1. tilly birds (ft. mili) - just being friendly
2. tilly birds - same page?
3. 4eve - test me (all members version)
4. luss - ultimatum
5. pixxie - ded
6. bnk48 - tsugi no season
7. 9x9 - night light
8. violette wautier - this time
9. three man down - เดาไม่เก่ง
10. tilly birds - until then
bonus 11. luss, patrickananda - locker
i added a bonus song because at least five of these tracks were on here from the time i spent working on my playlist and i felt like this didn't really reflect what i actually sought out, which amounted to a bunch of tilly birds, this violette wautier song, and <3 luss <3.
top 10 misc:
1. lorde - ribs
2. michael shynes, wholm - break me*
3. black gryph0n, baasik - better*
4. cafune - tek it
5. mitski - heat lightning
6. now, now - dead oaks
7. carly rae jepsen - cut to the feeling
8. amazarashi - 空に歌えば (sora ni utaeba)*
9. on my way - alex lahey
10. chloe moriondo - i want to be with you
* denotes OST
i listened to ribs on repeat after i watched your name engraved herein for the second time and watched this fanvid on repeat. i am watching it again now and my heart HURTS. songs #2 and #3 are from the not me soundtrack, which i listened to a lot to compiled my top 5 bl osts. #8 is a my hero academia op :| blue encount's polaris was also somewhere in my top 100. there is something about listening to anime ops on my way to work, idk.
also #7 was the track for my wedding party's entrance at our reception!! our dj: wow you really like carly rae jepsen. me: yes, the more the better.
bottom 10:
100. tilly birds - worth the wait
99. twice - feel special
98. bell warisara - เอาปากกามาวง
97. ink waruntorn - erase
96. max jenmana - stuck on you*
95. meyou - ภาวนา
94. bnk48 - d.aaa
93. 4eve - ooh lala
92. nana - a dolphin is not a fish
91. three man down - everyday
* denotes OST
the way almost all of these are still from my thai music playlist, except for twice and the max jenmana song which was also from my spree of listening to bl osts.
middle 10:
45. pentagon - sparkling night
46. tri․be - rub a dum
47. onf - the realist
48. p1harmony - doom du doom
49. cafune - tek it
50. jamie - pity party
51. oneus - a song written easily
52. patrickananda - everyday
53. onewe - parting
54. three man down - ถ้าเธอรักฉันจริง
#48 I DID THIS FOR YOU, REET. also i am sorry to you, the best pentagon song of 2022, you should've been higher. i also love tri․be but kiss was Not Great so i spent most of the year still looping rub-a-dum and would you run.
2022 media consumption (second half of the year):
movies:
- top gun: maverick
- black panther: wakanda forever
- glass onion
- decision to leave
- armageddon time
- the fabelmans
- thirteen lives
- avatar 2: the way of water
- glass onion (rewatch)
husband who watched 400 movies in 2022 vs wife who spaced out halfway into avatar 2 thinking about a bl webtoon ship.
books:
- gideon the ninth - i finally finished this!!! i was truly not that invested until the last quarter but i did immediately put a hold on harrow the ninth when i was done (which i have let lapse 7 times since i am always in the middle of something else)
- invisible women
- empire of pain - finally finished this too and it blew my mind with just how evil the sacklers are.
- the girls
- the cheerleaders
- love in the big city
- how beautiful we were
- cool for the summer
- the maid - i hated this book lol. an insultingly infantilizing take on an presumably autistic character along with other shallow characters and a boring mystery.
- my sister, the serial killer (in progress)
- mr. impossible (dreamer trilogy #2) (in progress)
- falling (in progress) - this is a book my dad would love, which isn't really a compliment. i just love reading about airplanes...
tv shows:
what i finished or didn’t finish from q1 and q2:
- to my star 2 - incredible, cried every single episode and regretted none of it. a show that treated its difficult characters with tenderness and respect.
- kinnporsche
- old fashion cupcake - showstopping confession scene.
- under the banner of heaven
- mouse (in progress) - i want to be done with this show so badly. HOW is it 20 episodes. lee seunggi is good but i seriously hate this show. i am only hanging on because i want to see the conclusion to the twists and i don't feel like just spoiling myself.
and the rest:
- never have i ever (s3) - another never have i ever season another finale that makes me cry.
- extraordinary attorney woo (in progress)
- the eclipse - this show fumbled the ending but firstkhao chemistry made up for it.
- minato’s coin laundry - i think they could've told this story in 2 less episodes but at the same time i am glad they didn't, since it was one of those shows that made me want to stay with the characters for a long time.
- about youth
- players - you had me at co-creators of american vandal (rip) and lol esports. it understood the scene SO WELL.
- love in the air (dnf) - sex appeal alone does not make a show.
- in the dark (s3)
- severance (s1)
- senpai, this can’t be love! (dnf)
- roommates of poongduck 304
- love is blind (s3) - the cuties scene at the end of the reunion episode was the most impactful moment of tv all year.
- vice versa (in progress)
- ghost host ghost house (dnf)
- 180 degrees of longitude passes through us (dnf)
- choco milk shake - crying over a man and his pets that came back to life as hot men. when you want a dude to fuck his dog soooo bad........wait........
- eternal yesterday - SPEAKING OF CRYING!!!! there is something oddly bittersweet about this show but mostly it's just heartbreaking.
- the player (in progress)
- young royals (s2)
- wednesday (s1)
- oh my assistant (dnf)
- my school president (in progress) - everyone who was like ew not another high school bl YOU FOOLS i knew this was going to be lovesick but better and it's delivering.
- white lotus (s2) (dnf) - sometimes prestige tv is good and sometimes it's just not.
- the director who buys me dinner (in progress)
- the new employee (in progress) - i luv them.
- survivor (s43, 35) - i am sure i watched more survivor but i couldn't check the list without majorly spoiling myself.
mostly i just watched a lot of random documentaries i didn't keep track of and 20 minute long youtube videos about disasters.
end of year writing meme:
and if i thought last year was unproductive...
KPOP:
promise i won't break your heart (dkz, jaechan/munik, 7.1k)
BL:
the ache toward it (we best love, pei shouyi/yu zhenxuan, 3.9k)
walk a little further to the unfamiliar (unripe expression, ha junseo/omc, 6.2k)
STATS:
- 3 fics
- 3 different ships
- 3 m/m
THOUGHTS:
- 2021 for comparison
- i am not satisfied but i will not dwell on that because it was a weird n bad year so i am giving myself the grace to have "failed" :<
- most popular fic: i guess i will go with promise i won't break your heart but this was the year of rare fandoms so i received the least feedback i've ever gotten as a whole. i guess this goes to show i mostly write for myself, huh?
- lines i liked:
"You're really not playing favorites," Yu Zhenxuan mutters before letting Pei Shouyi slide the thermometer under his tongue.
"What favorite?" Pei Shouyi asks as something shifts restlessly in his gut. He holds the thermometer, even though Yu Zhenxuan should be able to hold it in place on his own. There's an urge building under his skin, the faint desire to press his gloved fingers into Yu Zhenxuan's mouth, to feel the ridges of his teeth and the meat of his tongue. Yu Zhenxuan watches him, gaze steady despite the droop in his eyelids. (the ache toward it)
Munik is breathless by the time he captures Jaechan's hands, but his gaze is fixed on Jaechan, eyes bright and triumphant, and this is what Jaechan wanted. Munik's singular focus, the room narrowed down to just the two of them. (promise i won't break your heart)
He knows the exact dimensions of Munik's body just based on years of proximity. How Munik's arm feels around his shoulder, how much space he takes up at Jaechan's side during group photos, where his face fits when he hugs Jaechan. But there are still parts Jaechan wants to learn with his hands, with his teeth, with his tongue—the inside of Munik's thighs, the middle of his lower back, the jut of his hip bones, the heat of his mouth. Jaechan's always been like this; a single-minded interest, wanting whatever it is that he wants all the time. (promise i won't break your heart)
- most fun to write: i loved the new fandom fervor that got me to write the jaechan/munik. how can i harness that feeling all year long...
- most difficult to write: last year i actually said the ache toward it, since most of it was written in 2021. as far as this year, walk a little further to the unfamiliar was challenging just because i had to write an original character and ha junseo was not a main character, so i felt less comfortable with his characterization. i think the fic would've benefited from 1-2 more scenes, maybe?
- sexiest moment: there is something i love about bed groping (see my ancient imp/deft fic) so i have to say promise i won't break your heart but if you're into student/teacher vibes, psy/yzx wins.
- personal favorite: i think both the ache toward it and promise i won't break your heart are fics that i would love to read if i was in those fandoms and they showed up on ao3 one day. i haven't really been able to enjoy the reread of psy/yzx because i spent so much time poking at it, but i think the jaechan/munik is pretty much my type of kpop fic.
- 2022 goals: i will not reflect on my 2021 goals because i did not achieve them and i know that without looking. i'd still like to write something longer and plottier and i'd still like to write some shorter, informal fic just for the sake of preventing my writing muscles from atrophying.
- by the way i wrote commentary for the ache toward it here. i won't make a full post for the other two fics but i wanted to talk a little about the planning and writing processes:
the other day i was trying to describe jaechan and i don't think he's cocky necessarily, but i think he is definitely someone for whom things generally work out. he seems pretty sure of himself and sure of his choices. also a little single-minded in his focus (see these lines that didn't make the cut: Jaechan's personality is like this: when there's something he's interested in, it's the only thing he wants to do. It's why he worked multiple minimum wage jobs to earn enough for his midi, why he has the same pair of Nikes in three different colors, and why he hasn't been able to stop thinking about kissing Munik for a week and a half.) he also finds certain sentimentality cringy. munik, on the other hand, is prone to worrying and lacks pjc's beauty privilege (i'm so sorry jang munik you are a beauty in my eyes). all of this is to say that in conceiving this fic, i figured 1. jaechan would have to make the first move and 2. that first move wouldn't be in the form of a confession. i thought about him feeling entitled to munik's space and, in that jealous cat way, his time and attention as well. he would pick up on munik's desire and not really stop to think whether munik understands how he feels.
i also thought it was important to show jaechan caring for munik in addition to just lowkey bullying him, so giving him encouragement or being there when munik talked about his anxiety. i kind of thought jaechan's style of encouragement would still be blunt, and that he would be irritated that munik can't see the obvious: Jaechan shifts until he's directly facing Munik and reaches out, hands gripping Munik's knees. "Hey, I'm serious," he says, a little annoyed, because it's important for Munik to understand this. "You're fucking good." mostly though i just wanted to show gongilz familiarity and i think i achieved that!!
the title of this fic comes from alex lahey's on my way, which has been in my top 100 two years in a row. i am a grown woman obsessed with coming of age music... i listened to this song along with r u 4 me? and stacking chairs by middle kids on repeat, tracks that made me think about junseo moving on and things getting better for him. i wanted gu sanghyeon to be fairly outgoing and confident enough not to be dissuaded by junseo's... general demeanor. someone who was willing to see through junseo's chilly exterior. it was interesting to imagine how junseo would react to someone befriending him without that initial point of connection like he had with jaewon. this is why i wanted junseo to ask sanghyeon about it later. that also gave me an opportunity for junseo to be a lil blunt with sanghyeon because at that point i was worried about making junseo come off as too nice lmao. there was more i wanted to do with this fic (more of sanghyeon's friends, more sanghyeon/junseo romantic development) but time constraints got to me. that's the price of yuletide